Then and Now....Returning to Ukraine with Natalie

We are three days from departing for Ukraine.  Paul, Natalie,  and I are returning together to a place we left together almost exactly 16 years ago.  Then, we were leaving Ukraine with our newly adopted 20 month old daughter carried on my hip, while our soon to be born daughter was carried way out front. We had been in Ukraine for one year and had accomplished what we felt God had asked us to do while He did immeasurably more than we could have asked for in giving us the children we so desired. Paul had helped build and equip a Christian medical clinic, and I had worked with deaf believers, encouraging them to 'speak' to God in their native tongue, sign language.  Then, I was glad to be leaving, anxious to be 'home' to see our family and friends and to have them meet our precious girl.  Now, I am glad to be returning to introduce Natalie to her birthplace, her heritage, her roots, and quite honestly, there are parts of my heart that never left Ukraine.                                                

                                                Then......age 8 months

Our trip is many fold in purpose.  Natalie is now 17 and is leaving for college in the Fall of this year so our going is part graduation gift, part her trying to learn something of her birth parents and possible siblings, and it is something we have talked about doing with her for years.  But this trip is also part ministry as we visit Lifesong for Orphans, an organization I have become very involved with, advocating for the orphaned children they serve and learning more each day about their heart for the fatherless and their strategy to love them to Christ.

I had the thought the other day that God's plan for Natalie was so complete that even if we had 'missed' somehow and not met, fell in love with, and adopted her, God was already working to create Lifesong.  And chances are she would have grown up in one of the five orphanages in the city of Kharkiv that has Lifesong Christian workers whose sole purpose is to love the precious kids who, by no fault of their own, find themselves without parents.  How cool is that?

                                                      Now....age 17        

We will be in Ukraine for 10 days and during that time I hope to journal through this blog and share with you our experiences along the way.  Although I've been back to Ukraine several times alone, I am anxious for Paul to see what has changed (a lot!) and I'm, of course, anxious to see Ukraine through Natalie's eyes!  We don't really know what we will learn, if anything, about her birth mother or possible siblings.  She has a desire to thank her birth mother for giving her life, knowing that abortion would have been the 'easy way out' for a mother with an unplanned pregnancy.  I hope she gets that opportunity and we are privileged to be sharing this with her, but this is her private experience and I won't be sharing a lot about her personal reflections without her permission.

"As we prepare for departure, please make sure your tray table is stowed in the upright and locked position.....".  Here we go....hope you'll read along as we journey!

"And God purposed that through Him all things should be completely reconciled back to Himself, whether on earth or in heaven, as through Him, the Father made peace by means of the blood of His cross."
Colossians 1: 20

Adoption and/versus Orphan Care

This seems a strange place to start the blog I have been sweating over the layout for for the past month, but I think it's where I'm supposed to jump in.  So, here we go....

I love adoption.  I am the mom of our oldest amazing daughter, Natalie, age 17, who was given to us through adoption and I'm also the mother to a wonderful daughter, Leah, age 15, and a great son, Cole, age 13, who we acquired the 'normal' way. Neither way of starting or completing a family is more blessed, amazing or unique than the other.  I love that God chose us to be adoptive parents, but I am also feel privileged to have experienced pregnancy and childbirth.  

I don't for a minute believe that we 'rescued' our adopted daughter anymore than I believe my parents rescued me or your parents rescued you.  I understand the wonder of grafting a child into our family and truly appreciate how complete and full that experience is.  I am in awe of it and can more fully grasp how my Father in heaven calls me his daughter.

But.... this....is different....from orphan care.  We never once through the process of adopting our daughter thought we were caring for an orphan.  Maybe that was because when we were adopting it wasn't particularly the 'radical' thing to do.  Ours was an adoption born out of a desperate desire to start a family and a deep love for one fuzzy headed, chicken pox covered little girl. 

Orphan care is different....it hurts.  It has few happy endings....it means caring and loving kids who stay in situations that our hearts and heads can hardly stand.  It means either giving money to a ministry which seems like a vast hole in which there is no 'feel good' except the occasional picture or letter from a sponsored child.  It is accepting that the nights spent awake wondering what the fates and futures of kids who faces gently haunt me will not add anything to the work of our Father in heaven on whose palms are written every name I remember and fret over.

If I had my way, every square inch of our home would be filled with kids who need hugs and moms and backpacks and good belly filling food.  I am not naive.  These kids come with some serious baggage. We have hosted Ukrainian orphans, been a part of other hostings that have gone sour, and have traveled to orphanages throughout Ukraine. We have had tears and drama. I don't naturally, out of my own reserve, love them all the same. I am drawn to some, deeply love a few, and have no attachment to others. My sweet family loves me and supports me but they don't necessarily feel the same 'burn' to fill our house with orphans, hosted, adopted or supported.  

I feel desperately torn between two families that I love dearly...my Buczynsky family, our Boo Crew, five of us...tight and connected.  And my Ukrainian kids....the ones who I'll never be a real mom to, but whom I love just the same.  Facebook contact, prayer, money, fundraising, travel, mission trips, advocating, prayer, money, awareness.....this is orphan care.